my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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