k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
