Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
