Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
