drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
