I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
