Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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