I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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