Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
