I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
