Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
