I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
