Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
