there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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