haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Ketchup is God's man juice
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
