I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
