Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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