so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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