You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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