OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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