The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
