Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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