"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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