In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
