They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
