I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize