I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
