You're my little dorito
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
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So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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