It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
