Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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