Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize