I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
