I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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