I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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