I wanna passion pit in your ass
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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