I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
