I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
