If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
