I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.