he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
