And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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