It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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