I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
