you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
