I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
