When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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