He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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