Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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