Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
