Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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