You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
