remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
