She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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