I smell stomach acid.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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