Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
