You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
