Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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