now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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