some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
