The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
