singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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