Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
