Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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